business as usual [10 Nov 2009|06:02pm] ana_circle [untouchable1126] [ mood | self-aware ] So just like i ALWAYS do, I decided that from now on it'll be different, made all kinds of commitments to myself, and did well for a couple days and then lost it. Im still doing better though because i'm not just trying to change how much i eat i'm coming to understand the reasons behind what I eat and change the thoughts instead. so even though i ended up giving in i was conscious of my feelings and aware of the whole process from craving to binge. So even though i did it i can learn from it. Im under a lot of stress right now in life and still seeing food as a way of being nice to myself. I'm still having all-or-nothing thinking, like I had 100 calories might as well have 500. And I was able to stop. I was at 45 calories and i was able to have a tortilla and then stop. Of course about an hour later it started over and i gave in again but it's a start. I can't expect to change such ingrained thought processes overnight. It's kinda hilarious I'm using self evaluation and behavior modification techniques that i learned in therapy and psychology classes, in order to become better at being disordered. Still though if i have the obsession i should have the body. And it's not a bad idea for me to have better self discipline for a change. So basically what happened is I got super determined, fasted and lost more weight than I lost, then the problem started when I started thinking I shouldn't settle for losing 10lb in 2 weeks i should see how much I can possibly lose, then I starved myself too hard, then i didn't feel like it was ok to eat anything at all and that's the moment when food starts to represent things. like self-love, or comfort, or defiance, or a bunch of other emotional concepts and that's when the problem starts. So i'm going to be content w/my 400 cals a day and the loss that brings me, i'll still be hard on myself in terms of not going over that limit and sticking to my gym routine but i'm not going to keep repeating things i know don't work. Also one of the things was that I'm starting to have a few health side effects and I was thinking about how i'm ruining myself w/this. I used to have thoughts like that and I'd "recover" for a few days but i'd just go back to my old ways only w/a few extra pounds. besides if i am causing health problems i better lose enough to make it worth it. What I really need to do is what I said, 400cals a day workout every other day or more and get to my GW as fast as I can but more about consistency than speed.  Enough pressure to make good choices but not so much that I get overwhelmed and all the emotional stuff kicks in. Besides once i'm at 90 I won't need such a huge deficit as when I'm losing cos I'll just be maintaining and I can eat more and the side effects will go away. p.s. I do need to get to 90 by Dec cos I'm moving back to my mom's, she usually ignores my self-destructive stuff cos it's better than suicide especially if I'm stable in other ways but 90s extreme for 6' tall so in case she decides to care I can just say that I don't want to gain but I'll promise not to lose any more that should be enough. Especially if I'm getting all my vitamins and stuff and I can prove that i'm healthy enough she doesn't need to feel guilty. Or as healthy as anything else I've done to myself haha. post comment

Fic: Undisclosed Location, Chapter 7/? [10 Nov 2009|09:25pm] house_cameron [niicelaady] Title: Undisclosed Location Author: NiiceLaady Rating: PG Summary: Chase wants Cameron to disappear. House offers to help. Pairing: House/Cameron (friendship, at least for now) Warnings: None Spoilers: Season six up through "Brave Heart." Deviates from canon after that. Disclaimer: Labor of love, this. I don't own the show or the characters, and I'm not making any money from writing about them. "Sleeping in the Shrine to St. Amber was easy compared to this." post comment

[11 Nov 2009|03:21am] icons [magatte] Stock: 12 icons Axis Powers Hetalia: 35 icons more @ umberline post comment

[11 Nov 2009|03:15am] iconaddicts [magatte] Stock: 12 icons Axis Powers Hetalia: 35 icons more @ umberline post comment

I want you bleeders! [10 Nov 2009|08:56pm] sweeney_rate [deep_for_depp] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Seven Seas of Rhye - Queen ] ( I'll come again when you have Judge on the menu. ) post comment

[10 Nov 2009|09:17pm] ellenfans [industrialness] 8 Wallpapers 3〉Ellen Page 3〉LIGHTS 2〉Paramore Here at habitschange post comment

Updated FanFic: Something in the Way She Moves [10 Nov 2009|08:12pm] lion_lamb [iwasbroken08] Characters: All, Canon Pairings.   Spoilers: None. AH/AU.   Summary: In the 1960s, six young people's lives intertwine in ways they never could have guessed. Lessons on love, what is right, what is wrong and what is good, as well as loss abound. A Twilight/Across the Universe Crossover Fic. M for a reason. ExB centric. Ch 3: ...you've got that something... post comment

Watch with Kristin spoilers! [10 Nov 2009|05:00pm] gossipgirltv [hotcinnamonbuns] ( Spoilers behind the cut! ) The last spoiler? oh dear god... 8 comments|post comment

[10 Nov 2009|08:44pm] recondojoe [ mood | alien ] IF YOU ARE READING THIS ENTRY YOU NEED TO DELETE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS, BUT I JUST NOW WOKE UP STANDING OVER MY COMPUTER AND I WAS LOGGED INTO LIVEJOURNAL AND HAD MY CELL PHONE IN MY HAND. On the OTHER END OF THE CELL PHONE  I HEARD AN ALIEN VOICE TALKING TO ME AND ASKING ME TO ACCESS YOUR FRIENDS ONLY ENTRIES AND REPORT FINDINGS TO THEM. I AM GENUINELY AFRAID THAT IF THEY HACK INTO MY BRAIN AGAIN THAT THEY WILL USE OUR LIVEJOURNAL FRIENDSHIP TO JEOPARDIZE YOUR SAFETY. IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU GUYS.  <3 xo xo I ALREADY DELETED MOST OF YOU GUYS SO THAT HOPEFULLY THE ALIENS CANNOT FIND AND DESTROY YOU OR IMPREGNATE YOU WITH BABY ALIENS AND STUFF!!! 5 comments|post comment

so thought of the day. [10 Nov 2009|08:43pm] bipolarsurvival [natane] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 2 comments|post comment

Adorable new jen candids and OW's speculates [10 Nov 2009|07:34pm] house_cameron [actorwanabe] OKay...so the important part first! BEYOND adorable pics of jen to perk us up from the idiocy that is the show now: http://jmolove.forumfree.net/?t=44083491&view=getlastpost#lastpost (I know this has been speculated already when jen looked a little curvy at previous events. Here (to me) she looks her usual pin thin. But awsome for her if she is pregnant. Who knows? :) And then...who really cares?  WARNING: pointless spoiler http://jmolove.forumfree.net/?t=40534936&view=getlastpost#lastpost Yeah , I know I messed up the link thing. I know there is a proper way to do it. Sorry. 1 comment|post comment

[10 Nov 2009|08:36pm] twilight_adult [blazingstar_15] Hey guys! I know I promised you all a new fic soon, but i learned that my dog had lymphoma.  We put her to sleep tonight.  I miss her already, and it could be a while before I can post anything. 1 comment|post comment

[10 Nov 2009|08:34pm] icons [marcasite] 55 Icons Doctor Who, House MD, Merlin, Spooks, True Blood, Torchwood - Emily Blunt, Billie Piper, Keira Knightley, Jennifer Morrison, Marion Cotillard, Liv Tyler, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson here @ squaredmc post comment

I just need help [10 Nov 2009|08:03pm] ana_circle [teamauschwitz] [ music | 3Oh!3 - Don't Trust Me ] I know this is mainly for girls but I'm a guy with an eating disorder and I need support...  Okay let's do stats: Age: 21 Height: 5'9 CW: 115 lbs HW: 123 lbs LW: 110 lbs GW: 125 lbs So like.. yeah.. I'm 115 lbs right now, and I'm 5'9. And you'd think that be decently thin but I can't change my weight at all. Like, I've been trying constantly. I went to the KFC buffet for lunch today and ate as much as I could, and had a bunch of food for dinner too. Like, I usually eat about a pound of food at a time, and not the healthy kind, but butter and cheese and grease and fat constantly. We deep-fried cheddar cheese wrapped in bacon the other day, it was so greasy. But I fucking lost weight that day. I want to get to like 125 and have some more muscle you know? But I can't I mean I have eaten the Quad-stacker combo from Burger Kind, which is over 6,000 calories by itself, and then had TWO dairy queen blizzards for dessert. And look at me. Nothing. No fucking change. I can't deal with this any more. Like nobody appreciates how thin I am, and I just want the support of you girls. You know what it's like to be this thin. And the doctor is being suck a prick, saying I have an eating disorder. Yeah, I know I do, I eat too much, but I keep losing weight from it. I was 112 when I woke up today. Just look at me! And forget finding a normal girl who is just as thin, because that's all I want. Can any of you help me? 1 comment|post comment

VF & HB Icons [10 Nov 2009|06:39pm] lion_lamb [hockeygrl125] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Anya Marina - Whatever You Like (Single Version) | Powered by Last.fm ] [16] VF Spread - Rob [04] Harper Bazaar - Kristen & Rob Preview: here @ my journal post comment

pumpkinhead [10 Nov 2009|08:01pm] horror_icons [acolyte13] ( pumpkinhead ) post comment

[10 Nov 2009|07:01pm] depression [meddiefrac] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 1 comment|post comment

Top 16. [10 Nov 2009|07:56pm] _sytycd_ [ibrokeup_] Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island. Discuss. ( Numbers: ) 418 comments|post comment

ISO [10 Nov 2009|04:54pm] mac_cosmetics [melezzza] [ mood | cold ] Last iso was long time ago I have fb on MUA under melezzza Im looking for barbie loves stila lip enamel luxe gloss trio... I dont care if theyre used or anything i just wanna try the colors. Naked Pigment sample thats it :) thank you!! post comment

SALE! [10 Nov 2009|07:53pm] mac_cosmetics [cruxgothgirlie] Sale: Getting rid of ALL of my MSF's, postcards, and more!! All going cheap. Seriously. Mods: Last sale was months ago. post comment

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